Transparency in Motherhood

Since our last meeting, I was rocking through my new "Women Living Well" book by Courtney Joseph AND THEN, I hit a brick wall. There were a few sections in a particular chapter that were hard for me to digest, hard for me to put into practice. Oh, how I am a wife that needs to learn how to love unselfishly?!

I got to catch up with a girlfriend last week--well, as much catching up as you can do when you've got your eyes on two 2-year-olds and one 9-month-old. (HI, FRIEND! :) ) She expressed to me that her little family was thinking about adding another addition, and she sought my advice. It made me chuckle, because I have NONE. Life with two little one's is crazy. Never a dull moment. Never a quite house. Never a clean house. She went on to say that I "always seemed like I had it so together." Oh my! I wanted to embrace her, not because I was flattered by her comment, but because I wish she could see the real housewife and mother that I am.

I am so thankful for transparency. Because so many women have gone before me and shared their stories of struggle and stories of success, I have always known that wasn't walking alone in my motherhood journey. I am so moved by some of their stories! So, I have made a commitment to myself that I will be more transparent with those in my life, so that God can be glorified. He does something with the mess that I make everyday!

That being said, I'd like my sweet friend to know that I'm a mess! Before I put my two-year-old to bed this evening I asked for his forgiveness for all the times that I didn't demonstrate the kind of patience that I should have today. I never feel like I do enough for the sweet boys that I share a home with. I never feel like I've demonstrated God's goodness and grace enough to them throughout our days. Motherhood has brought out insecurities that I never knew I had, motherhood has brought out a vulnerability that I never knew. Motherhood has brought out the "prayer warrior" in me, because most days, that's all I feel like I have to cling to. My heart now walks around on the outside of my body in the form of two brown-eyed boys. Fear and doubt consume my thoughts as I think of this cruel world that my boys have to grow up in. Sometimes when my thoughts turn bad, when my attitude is negative, when all I can think about is laying my head on my pillow at the end of the day, I can just say "Jesus. Jesus. Jesus." We get through our day, and each morning we wake to new mercies :)

So, dear friend. I don't have it all together, but I serve a great God who does.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." -2 Corinthians 12:9

AMEN, friends!