Another Wade Update

Yes, yes, I realize it's been an eternity since I've updated.

I spent months convinced that something was wrong with Wade's hearing just based on his response (or lack of) to his environment. He's had two GREAT hearing assessments done, both showing he has perfect ears. Within the last two months, he has finally convinced his 'ol momma that his hearing is fine too. I don't really know how to explain it, but he's just blossomed. Maybe it's our therapies? Maybe it's just His timing? Maybe a lot of both?  Whatever it may be, Wade's personality has bloomed. AND I love it!

We did the M-CHAT (link here) at his 18-month well child check and with our Sooner Start therapist. He failed. It took my breath away to hear our therapist use the word "failed" as she was discussing Wade with our case worker and new speech pathologist. When we had our appointment with her to discuss the results she was much more gentle with her words, something about it just fell heavy and harsh on my ears that day. Mind you, nothing about the results were surprising to me.

We had our appointment at The Scholl Center, and I loved the sweet SLP we met there. She gave some some wonderful resources to use at home in our day-to-day "schooling" activities. Wade, of course, qualified for services there based on their standardized evaluation; however, they are solely a speech and communication disorder center. Given the fact that he failed his M-CHAT, we felt like moving all our therapies to The Scholl Center would not do Wade any justice. They would strictly work on his speech without further evaluations. Now that he has been evaluated there, we can add extra speech therapy to his schedule at any given time. He is ONLY 20-months-old, so I refuse to "over therapy" him.

He is doing SO well, and I feel like we are really in a comfortable spot right now! We are working at home everyday and having a BLAST doing it.  We added some speech language therapy into our schedule through Sooner Start, and we are also still seeing our Child Development Specialist once per month. I love being the one that works with him on a daily basis--love seeing his accomplishments, his bright brown eyes, and big toothy grin.

Will he fall "on the spectrum?" Will he "grow out of this?" Who knows? Who cares? We were given a gift when we were chosen to be his parents.

Update on my Little Waders

I've thought about writing this post for several days, and I just keep putting it off. Plenty of my sweet friends have inquired about Wade, but it's more than a one sentence answer. I think it's best just to address the masses ;)

I'm writing this post from raw motherly emotions, cause since we've been dealing with this I've had my feathers ruffled a bit. Just like anything else in life, everyone has a story or opinion (you think I would've accepted that by nearly 32 years of age). My skin has been thick and I've had to remind myself that I'm the mother that God chose for Wade---and that I'm going to do what is best to raise this perfect angel that I was given.

Even though I realize I don't need to address anything, I want to address this: we are NOT concerned that Wade does not talk. We lose no sleep at night over the fact that Wade still says no words. Most everyone that we encounter feels the need to reassure me that their child/neighbor/great-nephew/pastor's second son/niece's boyfriend's dog walker (you get the point) did not even "talk" until he/she was nearly three-years-old, and that he/she is perfectly "normal" now.

Wade is perfect and normal to us! He obviously has some developmental delays that we are working on identifying. We have a very sweet therapist that comes to our house every other week to do play therapy with Wade. Our pediatrician sent us to the ENT for an audiological evaluation--Wade passed his sound booth test and OAE. His tympanogram also looked good. Our pediatrician and therapist have now referred us to The Scholl Center for speech therapy and further testing. So, that's where we are right now: waiting on The Scholl Center to call us next week.

I had a few GREAT conversations this week with the directors at Wade's preschool and our sweet therapist. I won't lie, it's tough and emotional to watch your child fall behind his peers. The ladies at preschool also voiced their concerns for Wade and his development (which is never easy to listen to!), but they spent a great deal of time building me up as his mother! We need more encouraging women like them in this world! I left there ready to fight for Wade! Our therapist spent most of our session this morning listening to me pour my heart out, and she also provided me reassurance. She spent some time helping me understand the "what now" and possible scenarios we might be facing. We had conversation that included things like: hearing loss, autism spectrum evaluation, other cognitive delays, AND just a plain 'ol stubborn child that still hasn't come into his own.

Prior to his audiological evaluation Wednesday morning, I pulled out my Bible and flipped it open to the very middle: "You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous-how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!" Psalm 139:13-17

Wade could wake up tomorrow with a different color of skin and that wouldn't change a darn thing about the way Alan and I are approaching this. Wade is exactly the perfect little tiny human that God created----we just want to nurture that. We don't need a fancy diagnosis. We are proud to be working with these therapists who are helping us understand the way Wade is designed, so that we can cater to him.  To me, there is NO "worst case scenario" in this situation. We're not trying to change Wade, we are trying to learn him and improve our parenting. We were given a gift, and we're trying to put our all into it as his parents.

But, after all of this, don't think I haven't spent some time this week praying for Wade's future wife. Sweet baby girl might need it, because one thing is for sure: Wade doesn't listen :)

I'm blogging. Word.

There was this one time in January that I committed to blog more frequently throughout this year--but who sticks to their resolutions anyways?! I just wanted to be a statistic, I guess ;)

I feel like my little family is embarking on a new journey, though, and I want to be able to document the events to come. I started blogging during my walk through infertility, and I've always been so thankful for this outlet---the friends I made, the knowledge I gained.

Alan and I have had some concern with Wade's speech/communication development---being our second child I think we've had a tendency to compare everything to our first born (which I'm assuming is totally natural). Wade is 16-months-old and virtually says NO words. He says "mamamamama" and "dadadadada," but not even on a daily basis. It can be several days between the times I hear him call me "mamamamama." So what?! We chalked it up to being a late-talker, which from everything I have heard, is quite common with the second child. As time as progressed, a few more concerns arose---especially as we observed Wade in situations with his peers.

We found ourselves at an evaluation last week with Sooner Start Early Intervention Program. We met with an Occupational Therapist and a Speech Language Pathologist--both really sweet, knowledgeable ladies. I had NO idea what to expect during this evaluation, but I had a sense of calm about me the entire time. Basically, they observed and interacted Wade in a room with all sorts of toys and things for a little over an hour. I've already forgotten the name of the diagnosis/evaluation testing, but it was a standardized testing form---from the glances that I got at their paperwork, it almost looked like a scantron booklet with bubbles. They systematically tried to draw responses from Wade in accordance with the questions in their booklets. If that makes any sense to you at all---this is like a foreign language to me, so I'm having to educate myself as we go along with this process.

The conclusion was that Wade had a "developmental delay" in the area of communication. When I've tried to explain this to family members and friends the common response I've gotten is: "Just because he can't talk?!" Well, no.

Here are a couple points that were made to us as the therapists went over Wade's testing results:

-At this point, even though Wade doesn't use any words, he should be using his pointer finger to indicate things he wants. Wade CAN isolate his pointer finger, but he uses it haphazardly. Never once has he used it to point at anything in particular at home when questioned. This NEVER occurred me, honestly, but apparently this is a BIG milestone in infant communication. (Again, I'm learning as we go!)

-Wade does not recognize (or associate) common words to common objects. This is a tough one for me to explain, but I'll use the exact examples the therapists gave me. When asked, "Wade, where is your cup," they would expect Wade to show some sort of response towards his cup. He had no response at all. The same being for our dog, Bentley, and his brother, Cale. You can use those words to Wade: "Wade, where's Bentley?" and "Wade, where's Cale?", and there is no response. Again, those things NEVER occurred to me at home, but they are SO correct. Wade hasn't ever isolated things to us when asked.

Those were the two big points emphasized to Alan and I at the end the evaluation---so basically, it falls in the nonverbal and responsive communication category.

They explained to us that we are kind of left in a gray area. Does Wade not respond to these things because he's not comprehending them? Or because he can't hear appropriately? (He's obviously not deaf.)

He had a quick tympanogram done at the end of our evaluation, which left both ears in the "c" category. Basically saying that he has negative pressure in the middle ear space--can be caused by teething, ear infections, sinus congestion, etc. It doesn't mean anything about permanent hearing loss. In this case, he will have several of these repeated at different time intervals. Hopefully, at his next one, this problem will have corrected itself.

Next week our case worker and a child development specialist will come to our home and spend some time with our family in our normal environment. From my understanding, they will go back as a team and create a "treatment plan" for Wade.

In terms of hearing and ear things, I'm at a total loss though. Like I mentioned previously, it really is like a foreign language to me! I have NO idea what all the terminology means, so I've spent a good amount of time researching things. It's hard for me to be an advocate for Wade when I'm so clueless myself---so I'm trying to do the best I can by educating myself in the meantime.

Obviously this is not about me, but just in case you were wondering, I have been at total peace during this whirlwind of a process. I rest confidently knowing that God created my brown-eyed baby boy with big plans for his life! We are ready to tackle whatever the therapy team throws at us!  There are children fighting MUCH MUCH bigger medical battles than this, and I feel so blessed for Wade's great health.

I never know who will stumble across this little 'ol blog that might have walked this road before me, or who will find this blog post because they are struggling with similar issues with a child of their own. So, thanks for letting me throw all this information at you---and thanks for letting me document this journey!

 

Transparency in Motherhood

Since our last meeting, I was rocking through my new "Women Living Well" book by Courtney Joseph AND THEN, I hit a brick wall. There were a few sections in a particular chapter that were hard for me to digest, hard for me to put into practice. Oh, how I am a wife that needs to learn how to love unselfishly?!

I got to catch up with a girlfriend last week--well, as much catching up as you can do when you've got your eyes on two 2-year-olds and one 9-month-old. (HI, FRIEND! :) ) She expressed to me that her little family was thinking about adding another addition, and she sought my advice. It made me chuckle, because I have NONE. Life with two little one's is crazy. Never a dull moment. Never a quite house. Never a clean house. She went on to say that I "always seemed like I had it so together." Oh my! I wanted to embrace her, not because I was flattered by her comment, but because I wish she could see the real housewife and mother that I am.

I am so thankful for transparency. Because so many women have gone before me and shared their stories of struggle and stories of success, I have always known that wasn't walking alone in my motherhood journey. I am so moved by some of their stories! So, I have made a commitment to myself that I will be more transparent with those in my life, so that God can be glorified. He does something with the mess that I make everyday!

That being said, I'd like my sweet friend to know that I'm a mess! Before I put my two-year-old to bed this evening I asked for his forgiveness for all the times that I didn't demonstrate the kind of patience that I should have today. I never feel like I do enough for the sweet boys that I share a home with. I never feel like I've demonstrated God's goodness and grace enough to them throughout our days. Motherhood has brought out insecurities that I never knew I had, motherhood has brought out a vulnerability that I never knew. Motherhood has brought out the "prayer warrior" in me, because most days, that's all I feel like I have to cling to. My heart now walks around on the outside of my body in the form of two brown-eyed boys. Fear and doubt consume my thoughts as I think of this cruel world that my boys have to grow up in. Sometimes when my thoughts turn bad, when my attitude is negative, when all I can think about is laying my head on my pillow at the end of the day, I can just say "Jesus. Jesus. Jesus." We get through our day, and each morning we wake to new mercies :)

So, dear friend. I don't have it all together, but I serve a great God who does.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." -2 Corinthians 12:9

AMEN, friends!

Wife of your Youth

This blogging a little bit here and there seems to be working out for me! :) All two posts of it.

Bringing home another baby in 2013 made me a member of the infamous "Two Under Two" club. This, of course, came with a whole new list of challenges, but OH, the rewards--in the forms of two perfect, healthy, adorable, cuddly, brown eyed boys.  I'd like to think of myself as a highly organized person, but this self-proclaimed talent was definitely challenged with the addition of another little one. To outsiders, probably even my husband, I appeared to be 'with it;' however, I ran myself ragged. I could take care of two boys on strict schedules (yes, I'm THAT mom!), clean house, laundry, cook meals, love on my husband, and whatever else household duties called. Mentally I was exhausted, though. My thought life almost turned bitter, which was hard for me to admit as a rather uppity, cheerful girl. Even though it might not be displayed outwardly, my patience was thin. I beat myself up.

I knew I needed to make changes within myself, so that ALL my boys could have the very best of me! (Read: I mostly feel like my husband was receiving the short end of the stick). Proverbs 5:18 reads "Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth." I first began to meditate on this scripture more than six months ago, but it wasn't until a month or so ago that it hit me hard. Fountain of blessing? Yeah, I felt like my fountain was pretty dried up. Wife you your youth? The gray hairs on my head and dark circles under my eyes lost me that title. There wasn't much light-hearted youthfulness being displayed after I put my boys to bed each night.

With a new year and new resolutions, I wanted to make these changes so that I can be the best little mommy and best little wife that I can be for my family. To make sure my head is straight and focused each day, I'm committing to more solitary time, even if it means retiring to bed a little earlier than my husband so I can have some quite, uninterrupted moments. Even if it means waking early to shower and organize for our busy day. I was exerting all my time and energy on my home and plopping my nearly asleep head down on my pillow each night without taking any moments for myself. As much as I like to think that I'm Superwoman, reality has let me know that I do not thrive in an unorganized, busy, chaotic environment. I need alone time and slow time and home time to renew my spirit each day. It's just how God wired me. I already feel so much more at peace than I did even a week ago

This is obviously what is working for me, and I know that each of us are created uniquely and beautifully. I'm always looking for creative ways to carve out time for me and God each day, so I'm curious to know how each of you squeeze time in your busy routines?! What kind of moments do you take each day to take care of yourself and your spirit?

Well, Hello 2014

I'm not even going to pretend that I haven't blogged in 310 days, nor will I do a fancy 2013 'in-review' blog post. Let's just pretend that I've been faithfully contributing to my little corner of the internet for the last nine months.

I'm ready to jump back on the blogging bandwagon, which is one of my resolutions for the impending new year.

Oh yeah, PS, I had a BABY in 2013. He's amazing. He's the perfect addition to my household of boys. My heart is SO full.

And, that's the only review into 2013 that I'll give you. I regress.

I'm here to lay out my new years resolutions :)

1) I'd love to start blogging again---realistically once a week. I miss my blogging girls. I read blogs all the time on my phone, and I follow several old blogging friends on Instagram. But, I miss having this little world to let my thoughts go. As a very busy mom of two precious blessings, my days are filled with busy childlike things. I'm looking forward to blogging after bedtime as I way to experience some "me" time, to draw encouragement from other busy moms, and to maybe be encouragement to someone. Each stage of life comes with it's hardships, and as fantastic as this mothering thing is, it's hard. I go to bed most nights feeling tired, sore, and defeated while being overly critical of myself on my "motherly" and "wifely" decisions for any given day. I throw this information out there, because Lord knows, I'm not alone! :) So, blog world, I'm back.

2) I'd like to acknowledge more birthdays! I said this last year, and it never happened. Thus, it's making my list again! We like to do big, fun birthdays in my house. I know how fun it is to get an unexpected card in the mail, so I've already beefed up my supply of random birthday cards from Mardel's in preparation to make this resolution happen. I'm one step closer to following-through than I was last year, ha!

3) I'd like to actually finish reading the books that are in my nightstand. I think I started "Grace Based Parenting" 16 times last year, so I almost have chapters one and two memorized. Here's whats on my short list: "Grace Based Parenting" by Dr. Tim Kimmel, "Unglued" by Lisa TerKeurst, "Women Living Well" by Courtney Joseph and "Chasing God" by Angie Smith (which is due to arrive mid-January). I've started "Women Living Well" and I'm just a little (LOT) obsessed with it! It is the encouragement that I need each day!

4) I'd like to strengthen my core. I'll just fess up (plug your ears fitness guru's), I'm not a giant worker-outer. I have a whole list of really great excuses :) However, after being in decent shape, I had two children sixteen months apart. Those experiences never really gave my body time to heal, and I feel those effects now. My back hurts at the end of every day, my posture is awful, and I look like I'm three months pregnant after my first meal of the day. While I'm not going to promise you a 2014 six-pack, I would like to really work on developing strength again---this is more or less to make me feel a WHOLE lot better, making my stamina better for my children each day, and making me a little easier on the eye to the 'ol husband. Even though he'd probably say I was beautiful just like I am, I'm sure he wouldn't complain looking at some rock solid abs :)

5) Lastly and most importantly, I want to run full-speed after Jesus each day. My quiet, devotional times are ever changing as my children's routines change. Ever since becoming a mother and finding myself responsible for these young, sweet boys my thirst for His Word cannot be quenched. Selfishly I want to experience all the "firsts" that a mother experiences with her children; however, there is not a day that goes by that I don't look at my children and pray for Jesus to return quickly! This world is so corrupt and hurting. I feel like if I can pour God's word into my life it puts a hedge of protection around my children and will help arm them with truths they need to be God's light in this dark world. My boys are so special, and I want to be the mother to them that God designed me to be. These same words can be spoken for the kind of wife I want to be and the kind of household I want to maintain. I need Jesus.

From our family to yours, we hope you have a blessed 2014 :) I'm looking forward to sharing my heart with you this year!

Our Pets Heads are Falling Off

In the wise words of Harry and Lloyd, "We got no food, no jobs......our PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF." (Dumb and Dumber)

I feel like I've hit a small insignificant (in the big picture) run of bad luck lately, and I think of that quote which makes me laugh. It always could be worse. Bentley's head is NOT falling off ;)

Wade is holding on tight in my ever-growing belly. This pregnancy was sailing by, and I was dealing just fine with the aches and growing pains of child growing. Late last week I started experiencing (for lack of better words) a heaviness in my chest, slight palpitations, and a headache. I recognized these symptoms immediately as the same symptoms that lead to my gestational hypertension diagnosis with Cale (which of course, later progressed to pre-ecclampsia). Ugh! So, when Alan got home that evening I had him check my blood pressure. Sure enough, 146/102. Lovely. Needless to say, I'm on blood pressure medication again. This time I'm taking Labetalol. The jury is still out on this one: I guess it does it's job, but I definitely experience some side effects. I'm not necessarily scared or frightened by this situation since we've walked down this road before. I was more-or-less frustrated and defeated by this diagnosis. I totally understand that it's nothing I can help---just my silly, noncompliant body. I was really just wanting things to end differently this pregnancy. I did the normal hormonal, female worrying about this situation, and I think I've got all that silly nonsense out of my system :) I just have to remind myself that God's hand is in this situation and He knows exactly when Wade's birthday will be! We thought Cale was so early and tiny, but look at him now?! So, I will just hunker down these last few weeks, and if Wade's arrival is early, so be it! God is in control and His plans are always THE BEST! :)

So one week into dealing with medication and blood pressure checks, and I wake up one morning with a rash all over the top of my belly, my boobs, and my forearms. It's itchy and annoying. I know there are several rashes associated with pregnancy, so I'm just planning on running this by my physician at our appointment on Tuesday. I'm just trying my best not to aggrevate it or scratch at it excessively. It makes my giant belly really pretty, let me tell ya.

And lastly, in my pathetic sob story, I lost my phone over the weekend. There is no story here, I just got careless and laid it down somewhere. It makes me sick to think about. Honestly, I don't mind being so disconnected from the world or social media, but I think about all my pictures and videos of my guys on there vanishing into thin air :( Blah!

So, in my own words "Got high blood pressure, nasty rash......and NO CELL PHONE FOR FACEBOOK OR INSTAGRAM."

Gah.