Thursday, January 16, 2014

Transparency in Motherhood

Since our last meeting, I was rocking through my new "Women Living Well" book by Courtney Joseph AND THEN, I hit a brick wall. There were a few sections in a particular chapter that were hard for me to digest, hard for me to put into practice. Oh, how I am a wife that needs to learn how to love unselfishly?!

I got to catch up with a girlfriend last week--well, as much catching up as you can do when you've got your eyes on two 2-year-olds and one 9-month-old. (HI, FRIEND! :) ) She expressed to me that her little family was thinking about adding another addition, and she sought my advice. It made me chuckle, because I have NONE. Life with two little one's is crazy. Never a dull moment. Never a quite house. Never a clean house. She went on to say that I "always seemed like I had it so together." Oh my! I wanted to embrace her, not because I was flattered by her comment, but because I wish she could see the real housewife and mother that I am.

I am so thankful for transparency. Because so many women have gone before me and shared their stories of struggle and stories of success, I have always known that wasn't walking alone in my motherhood journey. I am so moved by some of their stories! So, I have made a commitment to myself that I will be more transparent with those in my life, so that God can be glorified. He does something with the mess that I make everyday!

That being said, I'd like my sweet friend to know that I'm a mess! Before I put my two-year-old to bed this evening I asked for his forgiveness for all the times that I didn't demonstrate the kind of patience that I should have today. I never feel like I do enough for the sweet boys that I share a home with. I never feel like I've demonstrated God's goodness and grace enough to them throughout our days. Motherhood has brought out insecurities that I never knew I had, motherhood has brought out a vulnerability that I never knew. Motherhood has brought out the "prayer warrior" in me, because most days, that's all I feel like I have to cling to. My heart now walks around on the outside of my body in the form of two brown-eyed boys. Fear and doubt consume my thoughts as I think of this cruel world that my boys have to grow up in. Sometimes when my thoughts turn bad, when my attitude is negative, when all I can think about is laying my head on my pillow at the end of the day, I can just say "Jesus. Jesus. Jesus." We get through our day, and each morning we wake to new mercies :)

So, dear friend. I don't have it all together, but I serve a great God who does.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." -2 Corinthians 12:9

AMEN, friends!


Monday, January 6, 2014

Wife of your Youth

This blogging a little bit here and there seems to be working out for me! :) All two posts of it.

Bringing home another baby in 2013 made me a member of the infamous "Two Under Two" club. This, of course, came with a whole new list of challenges, but OH, the rewards--in the forms of two perfect, healthy, adorable, cuddly, brown eyed boys.  I'd like to think of myself as a highly organized person, but this self-proclaimed talent was definitely challenged with the addition of another little one. To outsiders, probably even my husband, I appeared to be 'with it;' however, I ran myself ragged. I could take care of two boys on strict schedules (yes, I'm THAT mom!), clean house, laundry, cook meals, love on my husband, and whatever else household duties called. Mentally I was exhausted, though. My thought life almost turned bitter, which was hard for me to admit as a rather uppity, cheerful girl. Even though it might not be displayed outwardly, my patience was thin. I beat myself up.

I knew I needed to make changes within myself, so that ALL my boys could have the very best of me! (Read: I mostly feel like my husband was receiving the short end of the stick). Proverbs 5:18 reads "Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth." I first began to meditate on this scripture more than six months ago, but it wasn't until a month or so ago that it hit me hard. Fountain of blessing? Yeah, I felt like my fountain was pretty dried up. Wife you your youth? The gray hairs on my head and dark circles under my eyes lost me that title. There wasn't much light-hearted youthfulness being displayed after I put my boys to bed each night.

With a new year and new resolutions, I wanted to make these changes so that I can be the best little mommy and best little wife that I can be for my family. To make sure my head is straight and focused each day, I'm committing to more solitary time, even if it means retiring to bed a little earlier than my husband so I can have some quite, uninterrupted moments. Even if it means waking early to shower and organize for our busy day. I was exerting all my time and energy on my home and plopping my nearly asleep head down on my pillow each night without taking any moments for myself. As much as I like to think that I'm Superwoman, reality has let me know that I do not thrive in an unorganized, busy, chaotic environment. I need alone time and slow time and home time to renew my spirit each day. It's just how God wired me. I already feel so much more at peace than I did even a week ago

This is obviously what is working for me, and I know that each of us are created uniquely and beautifully. I'm always looking for creative ways to carve out time for me and God each day, so I'm curious to know how each of you squeeze time in your busy routines?! What kind of moments do you take each day to take care of yourself and your spirit?