Friday, October 8, 2010

Hope Floats

Several of the blogs that I follow participated in a recent link-up that originated at "Chapters". Amy, the blogger who initiated this response, had a vision to share her struggles with other women in hopes that someone out there with similiar struggles might be encouraged!  My heart has enjoyed reading through these stories--aching a little for some women and rejoicing for others.....

......God moves in BIG ways sometimes. He can change the path of our life in a split second, but sometimes His plan is a little slower to work itself out.  2010 has been a year of BIG changes in my heart.  Many of you know of our story, we have experienced 3 miscarriages since January 2009. I am currently going through treatment, and we remain hopeful that our "problem" has been solved.  Needless to say, I have struggled with patience throughout this whole process.

I should back-up at this point and allow myself to become real honest with you.  Impatience and jealously moved into my heart long before I struggled to create a family. Alan and I dated for nearly 4 years before we got married. In my eyes, our relationship had progressed too slow.  We were out-of-college, working adults during this time, and "normal" told me it was time to get married!  During these years, I allowed these two things, impatience and jealously, to make their way into my heart. Many nights I cried myself to sleep after attending wedding after wedding of those we'd seen through their dating phases.  Lo and behold, God knew what He was doing!  Looking back on that situation, I can't help but be ashamed that I ever doubted this PERFECT plan for my life. I have grown to see the sweetness and beauty in our dating years, and our marriage is something better than I could have imagined! God's timing WAS perfect!....and God's timing WILL continue to be perfect in our lives and marriage!

Everything was right in my world for a period of time, but merely months after our wedding we experienced our first miscarriage. I can't even begin to explain to you the flood of emotions I had surrounding this situation--two of which stuck out like a sore thumb. Jealousy and impatience. I half-heartedly took these emotions to God on multiple occasions, but I wasn't ready to let go of the hurt that I was holding on to in my heart.  As time went on, I got sick of my two acquired friends that seemed have found home within my heart. I *hated* feeling jealous in times that called for rejoicing! It still makes me sick to think about. In order to be the wife, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, CHILD of GOD that I was intended to be, I knew I needed to finally hand this situation over to God because it was a battle that I wasn't winning on my own.

God has done something incredible with my broken heart this year!  I have finally allowed Him to do what only He could have done with my tainted heart. I have a new hope and a new joy. Instead of being resentful for our current situation, I find myself looking for the beauty in this waiting period. Having to wait on God's timing, I've learned, is not something that only comes with marriage and babies--it is something I will have to deal with in situations the rest of my life. I'm so thankful that I have learned this lesson now, so that I can enjoy these periods in the future. God's timing and planning is absolutely perfect!  I am LOVING this season of my life, thanks to the peace that can be found in the arms of God! :)

"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day."
-Habakkuk 2:3


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