I guess I celebrated "Labor Day" weekend the most appropriate (least desirable) way.....laboring (aka: working!) I'm sitting at my desk this morning finishing up my 5th 12-hour shift in a row. Man, am I ever looking forward to my days off?! Bentley and I officially declared a "Hancock Family Retreat" this weekend. We don't exactly know what that means, but we do know it includes lots of cuddly, fun family time :)
I've had a bit of a rough weekend, emotionally speaking. Long story short: as of last week, I have no idea what I'll be doing for a job after Cale arrives. We knew that I couldn't return to my job full-time after the baby is here from day one--the hours are impossible (five 12's in a row!) for a family with a newborn (especially when my husband is gone every third day for 24-hours). On May 10th, I approached my boss to tell him the news of our pregnancy. In the very same conversation, I told him I would not be returning full-time, but would like to remain employeed part-time (24-30 hours/week) if that was a possibility. He assured me that it was, and we've had several very open conversations about the part-time hours since that point in time in which he never indicated anything otherwise. Last week I got the 'ol "we don't have that in our budget right now" speech. Well, great!? 12-weeks until the baby is here is a perfect time to go job searching, NOT! Who wants to hire a chick to work for the next 10-12 weeks before she goes on a maternity leave?! Not to mention, that would totally take away any benefits (maternity leave, short-term disability, whatever the company uses). I've been at my company for five years and have three weeks of paid vacation to use on top of my 'maternity leave.' Not that any of this is illegal by my employer, I just don't find it to be ethical---especially when I was very open with them from day one about my intentions. Had I known this information in May, I could've taken my little booty out to find a new position at that time. Huummph.
Enough about that story. It's just left me rather emotional this weekend----granted, I think it's a blessing in disguise. I just don't like when these sort of important things for the future are so uncertain. I've cried, and cried, and cried. The emotional girl in me is taking it personal; however, I understand that business is business. God has granted us with the deepest desires of our hearts, and just when we think the stars and moons are aligning for our life....bam! I trust that God has something incredible in store for us, so my prayers have been for him to start revealing that plan to me. With that being said, I don't want to become complacent in my waiting.
I read these words this weekend in The Journey by Billy Graham:
"An architect draws the plans for a new building-but it still has to be built. A composer writes a new piece of music-but it still has to be played. A chef devises a new recipe-but the ingredients still have to be cooked. In the same way, God has given us a blueprint for living-but we must know what it is and then put it into action."
I'm trusting and anxiously awaiting His plan to be revealed to me--hopeful and excited to start this new season of our lives.