Happy Birthday, Husband

Today is Alan's 30th birthday!  :)

(this is little us, taken NYE 2005/2006)

I love this man with all. that. I. am.

(this was taken on our vacation, 2010, in Cozumel)

He is my rock.

He has shown me true love, the way God intended it to be.

(this was taken NYE 2007/2008 at ShoGun)

He makes me giggle like a little school girl.

and, he still makes me get "that feeling" in my stomach ;)

(this was one of our engagement pictures, summer 2008)

He keeps me on my toes with his youthful energy and playful spirit--one of my favorite things about his personality.

(this was taken at his dad's place, december 2009)

He makes me a better person, just by being himself.

He has taught me the value of hardwork and honest friendship by his actions.

(and, of course, this was taken at our wedding, november 2008)

He completes me!

Happy Birthday to the BEST husband in the whole wide world! I'm convinced that you just keep getting better and better with age. You are my very bestfriend and soul mate--God created us for each other, and I'm overwhelmed and humbled by His perfect plan!  I'm so thankful to be able to share the rest of my life with you--and I couldn't imagine going through this journey with anyone else by my side.  Even though I wasn't there with you 30 years ago when you took your first breath, I plan to be there when you take your last.  I hope we can make your 30th year the most memorable yet!  :)

Happy Sunday, Y'all

Love me some, Kari Jobe!  If you haven't ever heard of her, check her out.  I totally covet her beautiful voice ;)   Have a wonderful, restful Sunday!

Better than a Barrel of Monkeys

This past week the weather was absolutely beautiful in our area---high's in the 80's and lows in the 60's. I had Wednesday and Thursday off work, so my Gram and I went to the Tulsa Zoo! :)  We had a day to always remember!

With these pictures being shared, I have to admit to y'all that I marveled in God's creation all day long!  Gram was pointing out colors and features of each animal, and I couldn't help but think about how wonderful our God is.  What a truly divine imagination He has to create such beautiful creatures?!  Something about the warm sunshine on my skin and the reflections of God's love left me with a full, happy heart.

Despite recent trials, I am very thankful for this season of my life! I couldn't imagine being in any other spot.  For months I have questioned God's plan for our lives---foolishly, of course.  Heck, I still don't know what the future holds for our family, but I do know that everything's going to be mighty perfect!  God gives us a sense of peace when we ask Him for it, a calming peace that lets our spirit finally rest.  I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm running towards it :)

"I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us."  --Phil 3:14

Walk in the Park

Yesterday Alan declared a FAMILY DAY at our house, yippee! :)  We took Bentley to the new "Bentley Park" in Bixby and let him swim in the river.  I think his sweet little face says it all.......he LOVES the water!

My cup runneth over with love from these two handsome boys! 

Take That, Menopause! Week 1

In honor of my very first week of menopause, I have decided that Thursdays will be dedicated to posting my menopausal (or not so menopausal) thoughts. I'm crummy at journaling, so this can serve as my documentation of the trials and triumphs of my Lupron journey.

With that being said, I feel like I totally kicked butt this week! :)  I have experienced a few side effects, but nothing to write home about.  Ive always prided myself on being a good sleeper and a good pooper (maybe from my infant days?!); however, no longer do I sleep more than 3 straight hours and my bowel movements are quite tough.  Neither of these are unaffected by the vitamin supplements Im taking, though. I'm taking several different vitamins for energy and mood--even though I'm not sleeping much at night, I feel GREAT during the day!  And the #2 problem?! Heeeellllllloooo, Benefiber in my water....of course, in addition of my daily Raisin Bran, Fiber One bar, and apple. Im just a regular kinda girl! 

So, take that, menopause!? Is that all you got for me!??

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

I had this nice, inspirational, "pump-me-up" type blog all ready to go for today, but I've taken a step backwards. :(  Today is the day that I start my Lupron Depot injections.  I'm ready to take on menopause. In fact, I'm going to punch it in the face and push it down to the ground.  I just knew when I woke up this morning I'd hear some sort of aggressive theme music in my head---kind of like when a super hero or athlete performing an amazing task. I haven't decided on my theme music yet, but that's something I'm still pondering....!

Anyhow, that's totally NOT how my day started. Poo.  While in the shower this morning something snagged my hair. At closer inspection, I noticed that the BIG diamond from my wedding ring was missing! :(  Instant freakout--after washed the shampoo out of my hair--tears, like alligator sized tears.  Alan and I tore apart the bedding at 4:50am this morning and combed through our bedroom carpet. I'm fairly certain (97%) that it was still in place when I was getting ready for bed last night. I'm at work now, no diamond, swollen eyes, and an upset belly. Ugh!  .....so Menopause, I'm not really in the mood for you today, ok?!

On a humorous noted, I was crying and didn't know how to tell Alan that I'd lost my diamond from the beautiful ring that he'd picked out for me several years ago.  I turned on my bedside lamp and he somewhat rustled around under the sheets.  The first words out of my mouth to him, "Don't move!"  In his sleepy, dreaming state for some ODD reason (because we all know he's odd--he's a boy), he thought that I'd pooped the bed and was instructing him not to move! He pulled the sheets up over his head.  I'm fairly certain positive that I have NEVER pooped the bed at any time beyond my infant years. He makes me giggle!

Tear Jerker

Thought of you and closed my eyes

And prayed to God today

I asked "What makes a Mother?"

And I know I heard Him say.

"A Mother has a baby"

This we know is true,"

"But God can you be a Mother,

When your baby's not with you?"

"Yes, you can," He replied

With confidence in His voice

"I give many women babies,

When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,

And others for the day.

And some I send to feel your womb,

But there's no need to stay."

"I just don't understand this God

I want my baby to be here."

He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,

And then I saw the tear.

"I wish I could show you,

What your child is doing today.

If you could see your child's smile,

With all the other children and say...

'We go to Earth to learn our lessons,

Of love and life and fear.

My Mommy loved me oh so much,

I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom,

Who had so much love for me.

I learned my lessons very quickly,

My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much,

But I visit her every day.

When she goes to sleep,

On her pillow's where I lay

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,

And whisper in her ear.

Mommy don't be sad today,

I'm your baby and I'm here.'

"So you see my dear sweet one,

your children are okay.

Your babies are born here in My home,

And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with Me,

Until your lesson's through.

And on the day that you come home

they'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother,

It's the feeling in your heart

it's the love you had so much of

Right from the very start

Though some on earth may not realize,

you are a Mother.

Until their time is done.

They'll be up here with Me one day

and know that you are the best one!"

I imagine at this point you have tears streaming down your face, much like I did. I read this poem today on another blogging site, and it tugged at the strings of my heart.  What a beautiful message!! :)   (and, sorry for making y'all cry-hehe!)  This is for those of us that are "mothers" that have had to say goodbye to their babies much before we thought to be an appropriate time.  I know over the past two years our family has lost some dear loved ones, so my babies are well taken care of in Heaven--and probably spoiled rotten! I wouldn't have it any other way :)

Girl Time

Tonight is our first night of our Girls Bible Study :) Yaaaay!

I'm so excited to get together with my friends for some girl time and spiritual growth. Rachel and I had talked about hosting one several months ago, and its finally come to fruition. We decided on the newest Beth Moore book, "So Long, Insecurity."  Lets face it, what girl doesn't struggle with insecurity in some way, shape, of form?!  I'm just excited to be with my closest girlfriends studying from God's word--and probably eating some good food, hehe  :)  I'm convinced that I have the BEST group of girlfriends in the whole wide world!

Blessed

I feel blessed beyond belief at the moment :) 

I have the most amazing family in the whole wide world.

First of all, my mother-in-law showed up at our house on Wednesday morning out of the blue with a "pick me up" and encouraging gift for me.  A SPA GIFT CARD to use over the next six months when I'm feeling down and out. Little did she know that I'd had a rough, tearful 24 hours.....it's amazing how God puts these situations in your life.  Its SO encouraging to know that I have so many people who love and support me---just for being me! Amazing and humbling. 

And second of all, when I got home from work tonight I found my big pretty mirror FINALLY hanging in my entryway after living in our house for nearly a year.  My father-in-law had come over to check on my little Bentley boy during the day, so while he was here he put himself to work! :)  He will never know how happy that makes me that he went out of his way to serve us like that.  My husband is a hard-working, busy man, so he doesnt always have time to devote to those things. And Lord knows, Im not skillful with the tools.  I can say thank you to him, but I dont think it begins to serve my emotions justice.

When I think about each of those stories and the love that was exemplified, I think about how much God loves us! :)  Those two really touched my heart this week, and reminded me that God brought me to this point in my life---and I know His plans are BIG and GREAT for us!  Not only did it remind me of God's faithful love to His children, but it also encouraged me to be that light in someone else's life. I hope that this weekend and the following week, I can exemplify that kind of love to someone who needs it!

Might as well be a Sin

I'm stressin' a little today. Those that know me know that I LOVE college football---with a very special place in my heart for the SOONERS.  You can't really blame me, I was born this way.  In fact, LOVE is probably an understatement.

Anyhow, I'll get to my point. As I was re-examining the upcoming 2010 Sooner schedule, I realized there were some HUGE conflicts on my "social" calendar.  THREE weddings. I could probably tolerate ONE wedding, but THREE, seriously?! :(   One eats up the season opener, one being Florida State, and one being TEXAS. Gasp. I'm speechless. What has happened to these good 'ol Oklahoma folk? Don't they know that college football is like a 2nd religion here in Oklahoma?!  I've totally stressed myself out with this realization.  What has college football season come to in the hearts of my fellow Oklahomans?!

I'm convinced that Jesus sits at the right hand of God, and then this man sits at the right hand of Jesus. It's in the Bible somewhere, look it up :)

Bob, I'm hoping and praying that I get to see you this season. In person--not just on TV all the time.  The holy land is calling my name.......

Big Girl Panties

Thanks for letting me have my pity party last night, I woke up this morning with my big girl panties on :)

I'm so thankful the God I serve has a sense of humor.  I had the most AWFUL pregnancy dream last night, ugh!  It started off with me going to the doctor with some post-operation belly pain.  He informed us that we were pregnant and in LABOR with a full-term baby....how delightful, right?! Wrong, terribly wrong.  He made us rush to the hospital, which was a horrible experience.  No one there knew what was going on, the residents were attempting to provide less-than-ideal care, and Alan apparently could've cared less that I was having a baby!  He kept telling me, "I don't care what you name IT." Right before they took me into surgery, two girls wearing hospital scrubs came into my room with some sort of horrendous looking piercing kit "to pierce my girl business."  I questioned them, asking if this was normal procedure, and was informed that "the hospital provides this to their patients so that they come out of surgery looking good and 'still desirable' to their husbands." Ahhhh!! I declined my piercing :)  Anyhow, after I shook off the sleep this morning, I couldn't help but crack a smile.  God is FUNNY! :)  I feel that He gave me that funny/scary situational dream to scare the living daylights out of me about labor. So, officially, I am not ready for childbirth :)

I want to leave you with this video of John Waller's "While I'm Waiting...."  Such a beautiful song, it has ministered to me time and time again.  We all know us ladies are always waiting on something.

Welcome to the Pity Party.....

First of all, Im going to start off by apologizing to all of you reading: Im sorry.  I dont want my blog to be a place of negative, sad feelings; however, when I started this blog it was to document our journey to become parents. So, that's what I'm going to continue doing.  Don't get tears in your eyes yet--this isnt necessarily bad news--in fact, its NOT bad news in the slightest. Im just having a moment.....bare with me. After I get this off my chest, I plan to take a deep breath, put my big girl panties on, and deal with it.

....We went today for our post-op doctors visit.  I got to see all the pretty, cool pictures of my insides--except my ovaries, they weren't pretty. Several things: LOTS of endometriosis, a LARGE septum in my uterus, and last but not least, a little inguinal hernia friend that still remains.  He was very pleased with how my uterus instantly corrected itself after he removed the large growth, and he was equally as pleased with how much endometriosis he was able to remove.  There is some endometriosis that cannot be removed surgically that is growing inside the uterine wall, so that will require medicinal treatment.  Phew! Lupron.  Basically, long-story-short, I will start injections on August 19th that will throw me into a medically induced menopause for the next 6 months....holy geez.  I wont go into all of this with you, but we would appreciate your prayers over this time :) (Alan mainly.)  I'm nervous, mostly because I have NO IDEA what to expect.  They assured me some hot flashes, night sweats, sleeplessness, and mood swings. Oh boy, how fun?!?

I'm GOOD, though! :) After all of this is said and done, we WILL have a family!  It all settled in with me today when Alan and I were going over our "family timeline."  It was made clear that we will not, cannot, have a baby in our little hands until sometime during 2012--which really hit me hard for some reason.  That is why Im having the "blues" this evening.  Forgive me for feeling this way. I know plenty of girls who can't have babies, which makes me feel super selfish for these feelings.

I plan on taking some time over the next few days to write down ALL the plenty positive things about our situation. I expect some trying times over the next six months, and I want my list to refer to on the days that I'm not feeling up to par. (Plus, Alan mentioned its best that I write them down. He feels like he might get in trouble for gently reminding me of these things during my what-could-be manic phases--haha!!)

Thanks for your listening ears tonight! :)   I'm ready to get my "game face" on and finish making my body completely healthy.

My Dog, the Murderer

My big sweet fuzzy boy is a murderer :(

Don't let that sweet look of innocence fool you.

As I was washing dishes tonight, I noticed him doing this "pacing the floor" routine behind me.  I caught a glimpse of something out the side of his mouth, so I simply asked Alan to deal with it.  As Alan called Bentley over to him, he noticed the two little bird claw feet sticking out the side of Bentleys mouth.  Bentley was NOT giving up this bird without a fight. He would not "drop it" like he always does on command with other things. As Alan had his hands trying to pry Bentleys mouth open, Bentley took one large gulp and the bird was gone.  I sure hope my little boy doesnt get sick :(

Then, as if we weren't traumatized enough as parents, Alan went to the backyard to check things out--you know, just to confirm there wasnt some birds nest on the ground, right?  Well, upon exiting the house, in his immediate view on the back porch was a squirrel laying belly-up with all four paws in the air.  Good grief!

I can no longer look at his precious little face the same.

Somewhere along this path, we've lead him astray as parents......

You think you've given your kid everything they could want in life, then they go and kill something.